Just Going To Vent Here A Little Bit

Or, I have been very pissed off lately.

For a refresher on what JFT is, you can click here. Thanks for indulging in everything that’s been rocking around in my noggin’ lately. Especially since this is a particularly cranky one.

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1. On being very much pro-shit talking:
   
   A couple of months ago a TikTok was circulating of a micro-influencer retelling a story regarding some bridesmaids she overheard at brunch. The details aren’t important; it was another case of someone behaving as the Gossip Police and then turning said gossip (that was not their own!!) into content. I could say more about this and the way we as a society have found an ease with literally anything being content, but instead I will direct you to this post by Clara at Hmmm That’s Interesting which elaborates on that exceptionally.
   
   A term I coined within my various circles about a year ago is “mean girl shit.” MGS is when you need to get something off your chest within your various safe spaces in a way that…is…well, mean. Where you do not hold back or say “to be fair” or say things for karma’s sake. Instead where you are hostile for hostile’s sake. You are fully permitted to black out and shit talk, no matter how foul the things that leave your mouth might be.
   
   I fundamentally believe we all need spaces where we can be the worst versions of ourselves. Where we can be a full blown hater. Where we can go elbow deep in our mean girl shit and get it off our chest and release it and let it go. And I find the borderline puritanical need to be so *nice* all the time to be equal parts completely fake and very, very boring.
   
   If you overhear someone being on their MGS and your inclination is to judge them rather than just hearing the gossip and enjoying yourself and your access to the tea the shade and the pink lemonade, I’m sorry but I think you’re the problem! Not one person on this stupid little rock flying through the sky likes everyone or has never had a fleeting “fuck that person” thought. And if for some reason I am incorrect and you have never thought something nasty about someone else, I can tell you with certainty that I would shit talk you. Happily.
   
   When I saw that influencer’s TikTok my honest to god first thought was I hope her own bridesmaids have a get together post-wedding and talk shit about it. And maybe that makes me mean! But you know what it also makes me? Honest.
   
   Even if you’re just doing the MGS because you’re grumpy and having a bad day, I don’t particularly care. I called a friend maybe two days ago because I was in a way and opened it with, “Who can we talk shit about to make me feel better?” And an hour and half and some gossip later, I did feel a little better, a little less like lying down on 520 and seeing what the traffic could make of me.
   
   Letting yourself shit talk is one of life’s fleeting pleasures. So please spare me with pretending you’re above it and tell me what your co-worker did that was blatantly incompetent this week. Please.
   

2. So after that rant, without further ado is a list of perfectly benign things I personally hate:
   
   Boomerangs. More specifically, boomerangs of people popping the yolks of their eggs. When it’s too sunny in October. Fabric softener. Candles that overly smell like vanilla. Red roses. Drivers who don’t know how to ease into the brake. Most Christmas music but especially any rendition of “Mary Did You Know.” Any DM that starts with “hey babe!!!” And on that note, people who get overly familiar with the nicknaming when you are not at the level. People who don’t know how to keep a conversation going. Cat owners who are unaware of the litter box smell. Overly tapered sweatpants. TikTokers who preface anything they’re about to say is for “educational purposes” when they’re literally just gossiping. Animal Crossing, worst $60 I have ever spent. Flat water. Corn. The feeling of sleeping in too many clothes, especially socks. Fandoms and stan culture in general. When my nails are just slightly too long. The cursive font on Instagram. Almost any and all lip syncs. People who don’t check to make sure they haven’t misspelled your name in an email. Chardonnay.
   

3. What is or isn’t a personality trait?
   

   Against my better judgement I read the third book in Ashley Herring Blake’s Bright Falls series this week even though I didn’t totally love the first two. I’m not a romance girl, I find a lot of 🌶️spice🌶️ contrived and unrealistic, and I think the critiques that she seems to be really tokenizing are valid! So again, me reading the book was almost undeniably a recipe for disaster. And yet I plowed through it in about three hours the other day. (If you like her writing I mean no offense to you, genuinely.)
   
   Brief Spoiler Warning if you’re going to pick it up.
   
   Among my many issues with her writing and the book in general the top tier critique I have was how Blake went about writing one of the main character’s struggle/life with anxiety. And as an A) professional haver of opinions, B) critic, and C) bitch with a diagnosis of an, and I quote, absolute boatload of anxiety, I have some thoughts!!!!
   
   For starters, (almost) no one is going around telling people, “I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.” Real people do not speak like they are reading out of the DSM-5. Anxiety should not consistently be in the driver’s seat. If your anxiety is so bad you literally have physical manifestations of it and you don’t have any grounding exercises or other tools to help regulate yourself, the therapy that happens only off-page is clearly not therapying!! And if your “friends” infantilize you because of your anxiety or any other mental health struggle, they’re really bad fucking friends and said therapist probably should have gotten you to that realization by now.
   
   But my biggest, more-encompassing issue with the way Blake wrote Stevie’s anxiety is she made anxiety Stevie’s ultimate personality trait. She did not write a character with anxiety, she wrote someone who is their anxiety.
   
   Almost everyone in my life deals with some sort of mental health thing—be it a disorder, a season of life, whatever. Depression, SI, BPD, body dysmorphia, anxiety, I have a smattering of it all in the people in my life. And I can tell you with definite certainty that not only do none of us define ourselves by it, but we would be absolutely appalled if anyone did. The fact that she somehow missed the mark that much with this in 2023 kind of floors me. It likely speaks to writing experiences you don’t personally have and not doing enough research (or some combo of the two) but also to not having anyone clock you on it.
   
   BUT ANYWAY.
   
   I am all for more representation, and I’m even more for messy representation! Queer people can (and often do!!) suck too! More terrible, complicated, not perfect queers in media of any form please and thank you! Just ideally write them…idk…well.
   
   Again sorry if you like her I still promise to like you.
   

4. A chili recipe, for fall:
   
   Ingredients:
   -1 butternut squash, cubed
   -2 bell peppers (I like one orange and one red), diced
   -1 hot pepper (serrano, jalapeno, or habanero works!), sliced
   -1 yellow onion, diced
   -4 to 5 cloves of garlic, minced
   -1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed
   -1 can of spiced chili beans, drained
   -1 can of diced tomatoes
   -2 cups of broth (or water and better than bouillon, trust meeeee)
   -For spices cumin, chili powder, smoked paprika, chipotle, cinnamon, bay leaves, and obviously olive oil and salt and pepper
   
   To make:
   
   Add a glug or two of olive oil to a dutch oven until it gets shimmery. Then add in your onion and bell peppers (season ‘em with s&p!!) and sauté until soft, 5 to 8ish minutes probably.
   
   Add in your squash, hot pepper and cumin, chili powder, paprika and chipotle (maybe like…half a tablespoon each? idk season with your heart, not your head) and just a lil dash of cinnamon and another good dash of s&p and let the veggies meld together for another 7 to 8 minutes. Don’t let your onions brown!! For the last minute or so add in your garlic so it also does not burn.
   
   Add everybody else to the party. Beans, tomatoes with their sauce, your broth, and a couple of bay leaves. Bring to a boil and then reduce the heat to low while it still bubbles every so slightly. Let it simmer with the lid on for about a half hour, then the lid off for another 30. Let it get to the consistency you prefer so if you want it to reduce more let it simmer for longer, if you want it a little thinner leave the lid on a little longer or add a few splashes more of water.
   
   To serve:
   
   Serve with tortilla chips (I like the strips meant for salads), cubes of avocado, sour cream, and cilantro.
   
   For leftovers:
   
   For the easiest “chilaquiles” ever (this is no way authentic but it is good and easy, and very yummy and when you’re having a grumpy week you probably need that) add plops of your chili onto thick tortilla chips (I like these guys) and reheat. Add a fried egg, some crumbles of cotija, and your hot sauce of choice on top.
   

5. I was going to write about fears coming true but this has been a lil’ rage-y so instead here are some things I think you might enjoy:
   
   This essay in Modern Love.
   
   This video.
   
   This queer book that I actually recommend.
   
   These shoes.
   
   This game I play every morning.
   
   This quote from Melissa Broder who I am admittedly obsessed with:
   
   “The most mystical experience was being mystified by what an idiot I am.”

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One last thing: Sorry this was so bitchy. Blame it on Scorpio Season and the moon.