Grief Is A Fist Fight

Or, sometimes it's infuriating to be this sad.

Let’s cut to the chase: I’ve been really sad lately.

Not in a like, I’m crying to various Florence Pugh movies or putting the fifth episode of Midnight Mass on repeatedly to hurt my own feelings kind of way. But in a, it’s hard to visualize my own life right now and that feels disappointing kind of way. In a, I miss things that don’t really exist and that feels destabilizing kind of way. In a, everything kind of sucks but it’s chill I’m used to it please don’t freak out kind of way.

I used to think being miserable was the key to creating; I think a lot of people who consider themselves artists or creatives have probably felt this way at least once in their life. I’ll cut to the next chase: I don’t think that way anymore. Now when I’m in a blue period (pun intended) I slow down, I go inward, I reflect. I don’t try and force anything out of myself. I stop squeezing the metaphorical orange when it’s clear there isn’t any real juice to give, so to speak.

This little intro is to say, I’m going to be talking about some of the details as to what’s been contributing to this particular high tide of sadness lately, which feels a little more ｡𖦹°.personal.°𖦹｡ than a standard Five Things thus the paywall. As always, my permastance on paywalls can be found at the link above.

If you too have found yourself feeling down lately, here are three things that have been good for me. One, I regret to inform you that “touching grass” is beneficial. I try and at least walk outside regularly and it’s not a fix all but it doesn’t make things worse. Two, remember you’re allowed to disengage from things and interactions and people and instances and whatever that contribute to you feeling worse. And three, consuming things about being sad and grief can honestly be really helpful. I recommend Here After and At the Bottom of Everything both by Amy Lin. Both have really resonated with me.

On to the essay. Ily thanks for being here.